12 Years

This is going to be rambling and I am going to mix a few metaphors, bear with me. 

A river is the common metaphor for time. Time only flows forward, never backwards. Time moves constantly and takes anything along for the ride. The question then is are we moving through time or are we the agents of movement? Do we move time forward by our decisions or is time just rapidly moving ever forward, sweeping us in it? People have been going to rivers for peace and quiet, for meditation and contemplation, as long as there have been people or rivers. I think it's because we recognize the power of something outside of ourselves. It takes years of schooling and millions of dollars of technology and teams of engineers to stop what a river does just by being a river. Rivers don't have engineers telling them where to go, how fast to flow, and what to flood. Rivers are just natural occurrences--reminders of the power of the natural world and its general apathy toward human desires. 

I think we don't move time forward as much as get caught up in the stream. Well, I think that most of the time. Sometimes I lean more towards the side of my decisions are important enough to move time itself forward. But then I remember the time the river took a turn.

Twelve years ago the planet changed as far as I am concerned. On 2/27/07, my dad died. This was a catastrophe. Nothing happened in the years prior to prepare me for life without him. Nothing has happened since to make me miss him less. To be honest, nothing has happened to make any of this make any sense or make it any easier. If anyone were to tell you that grief is best aided by time, that person is a liar. 

Sure, I'm not crippled by grief after 12 years, but it still grabs me. 

You know how you might drive past a town with a paper mill or some kind of factory and it just smells horrible? You might wonder how anyone could ever get used to living with that terrible smell. You might think you would always be miserable living in a town with an odor. The truth is, you'd get used to it. Food would taste normal again after a while, and you'd be able to ignore the smell in the bleachers while watching a baseball game with your friends. Then, maybe you'd go on a long vacation and you'd return to rediscover how your town smells. Grief is living in a town that smells like rotting garbage all the time. Eventually you get used to it, but that doesn't make it go away, and it doesn't mean you forget it. Something happens and not only are you reminded of grief, but it feels like the day it happened all over again and you have to get used to it all over again. 

God is different these past 12 years. Not in a way that challenges Immutability. I'm not a heretic. God isn't changing, but my experience of God is changing. The best way to put it is my God is getting bigger and bigger by the year. The tiny God of 12 years ago wouldn't be able to handle where I've been or what I've learned about the world since then. God on 2/26/07 fit really well into my pocket and was there when I needed to pull handkerchief-God out and wipe away a quick tear. Then the river of time took the big turn on 2/27 and pocket sized God got really big really fast. 

God was bigger than my religion or my Christianity or my church. God was bigger than my grief and my pain. God is bigger now to me than He's ever been. There's a line from my favorite songwriter Aaron Weiss I repeat to myself quite a bit. "Blind as I'd become, I used to wonder where you are, these days I can't find where you're not" It's a bit of a mantra to me.

If God is in the pain, then where isn't He? If God is in the midst of death and grief and sadness, then why limit Him? 

The past twelve years have been an exercise in me learning to not be surprised by God anymore. I know God loves me. I know God is FOR me, and WITH me. I know these things. Even when I rediscover how bad the town of grief smells, I remember those things. Even when I am depressed, and unmotivated, and beaten down by life. I can either choose to react positively or negatively to every situation the river puts in front of me, and no matter which one I choose God will still be for me and with me. The town doesn't stop stinking, though. 

How to Keep the Gods Happy

If you lived in the Middle East five thousand years ago, you would notice there were a few things everyone seemed to know. In those days, everyone knew there were lots of gods who existed outside of human control. These gods were responsible for all the things we couldn't do on our own: for the rain, for the sun, for the crops, for the hunt, for the fermentation of beer, and for fertility. We couldn't control the gods, but we needed them to like us. The only way we knew to keep the gods on our side is to give them something we liked. Need the gods to like you a lot? Give them something you like a lot. Did you make the gods really mad somehow? Give them something you like the most. The system of sacrifice pre-dates the Bible, it is older than the book of Leviticus, and it is as old as human consciousness.

We know we don't control everything, and we need to keep those who do on our side. 

A few years ago I was in Jordan with some of my students. We were walking down a very old-but-modern street in Amman. Next to the shisha bars and kebab restaurants there was a very new looking burger restaurant. We were all in a group across the street from it, walking calmly down the road that evening when a pickup truck screeched to a halt in front of the burger joint. Two men jumped out of the cab of the truck and pulled a very uncomfortable and loud sheep from the back. We froze. The men drug the sheep bleating to the curb and a third man came running from inside the restaurant with a large knife. This man slit the throat of the squealing sheep and let its blood fill the street. My group of American students were horrified. Some began crying, a few gagged. The sheep breathed its last breath as deep red blood squirted from its neck.

What? 

Why did that sheep get killed right in front of me on a normal night in 2014?

I looked at the lady who was taking us to dinner. She could see the questions I had before I could get them out.

"He must have made an oath to God," she said. "That is probably his restaurant and he made a promise to kill a lamb if it was allowed to open. Don't worry, the meat will be given to the poor."

"What century is this," I thought. "How barbaic, how archaic, how backwards."

We modern people would never do something so silly. We would never worry about making God angry with us. We would never sacrifice something in order to keep beings we can't control to like us. We would never change how we act in order to be accepted by outside forces. We would never spend more money to be accepted. We would never try to keep up with our neighbors just to impress them. We would never think if we just did this, had that, dated her, looked like him, or bought those then the people from whom we crave acceptance would really like us.

"Everybody worships."  David Foster Wallace was right. We can't help it. We are limited creatures who are all painfully aware of our limitations and that we need outside help to be happy and alive. We have to keep the gods happy. We have always known that and we have organized systematic mechanisms in order to assure us the gods are happy with us. 

Here's the amazing thing about Jesus. God is exactly like Jesus, and God can't change so God has always been exactly like Jesus. God is exactly like Jesus and God has always been exactly like Jesus. Make sure you understand what that means. For centuries and centuries humans tried to figure out where we stood with the gods. The Israelites developed an intricate system of sacrifice to make sure they stayed on God's good side. To them, God needed the sacrifice of bulls and goats in order to even be in their presence. In order to even be able to talk to God, something else needed to die. Except over and over and over we see glimpses in the Hebrew Bible (Old Testament) that God didn't want those sacrifices in the first place. In Psalm 51:16-17 King David understands that God isn't pleased with burnt offerings and sacrifice. In 1 Samuel, in Hosea, in Jeremiah, in Isaiah,  and most persuasively in Amos we see God speaking through prophets--the men who were supposed to know most what God wanted and what He was like. In every case, we see them telling the people that God doesn't want these sacrifices. The sacrifices aren't keeping them in good standing with God because God never wanted them in the first place. The sacrifices were something they were already doing because that's what they assumed the gods wanted, and God allowed this to be part of the system through which they came to worship Him. The sacrifices were for our hearts, for our own peace of mind.

In Jesus, we see God fully revealing Himself to us. He shows us exactly what He has been like all along.  God doesn't need the blood of bulls and goats. God wants our hearts to be pure and our actions to be good. We don't have to worry about making Him mad. We don't have to work and work in order to please Him. We don't have to compete with our neighbor in order to be the best. We don't have to compete for blessings from a capricious father who gives good to some and garbage to others. God loves us and gives us only good and perfect gifts.

The cross is the sacrifice to end all sacrifice. NOT BECAUSE GOD NEEDED IT, BUT BECAUSE WE NEEDED IT. Notice that was in italics, underlined, all caps, and bold. We needed the sign of who God is, what God looks like, and what God is willing to do while forgiving our sin. We needed it to have our heads cleared from the lies of the devil and our own insecurities. The Cross is the sign stamped on our hearts that we are good with God. He doesn't need a single thing from us. He doesn't need us to try harder, buy more, dress trendier, or look better. He is happy with us. We don't keep Him happy, because God doesn't change.

How jealous are we of other people who we think are getting blessed when we aren't? Why doesn't God like us as much as He likes them? Judgement, division, jealousy are all based in the same insecurity. When we are secure in how much we are loved, there will be no jealousy, no competition, and no judgement. You are blessed. That's a description of your identity, not your current situation.

May He continue to illuminate the cross in our hearts, and may we be reminded of how right we are with God. May we kill our idols. May Jesus' sacrificial love keep us from sacrificing anything to anyone else. 

Daily Devotional: February 1

Week Two, Day One, The Gospel According to Matthew, Chapter Six

I could do an entire month of meditations on Matthew six, it's that rich. It contains the Lord's Prayer, probably the most well known section of scripture in the Gospels, and I am not even focusing on that passage today. In this sermon, Jesus is laying bare the ethos of the Kingdom He is bringing onto earth--telling us what type of person is going to be created in this new world. 

How can your life be simplified?

The most amazing mornings in my life are spent with a cup of warm coffee and people I love. Stressful mornings, when I have to rush out the door and sprint to the train and gulp too-hot-coffee are unwelcome parts of my life. Stress makes our bodies react in terrible ways. It destroys relationships, makes us fat, and ruins otherwise beautiful mornings. 

Jesus' message at the end of chapter about worry continues to hit home for me. It is the section of the Bible I have read the most in the past year and I continue to be amazed by it. Don't worry about your clothes, your food, or your life. That is an important message for us 21st century Westerners, but imagine Christ's first audience. Their next meal wasn't as guaranteed as ours. They likely only had one set of good clothes. They have every right to be worried about their lives, and Jesus is telling them not to worry about anything. 

How can your life be simplified?

The more we worry, the more we will be overcome with desire for the things we don't have. The more we worry about food and clothes, the more money will become our master. The more we worry about our lives, the more we will seek recognition from other people. Worry is the source of these problems, and the source of worry is a lack of contentment.

Simplifying life involves slowing down, removing the unnecessary things from our lives, and ending the competition for who can be busiest. It is a radical change in behavior for so many of us. It involves relentless trust in provision that comes from outside ourselves. It involves giving in to the idea that we don't spin the planet. 

Our phones don't hold the secret of life.

Our schedules don't make us.

Our happiness isn't found at warp speed.

Spend some time in silence. Repeat the verse "Sufficient for the day is its own trouble" slowly. Take two breaths to say it. 

Breathe in

"Sufficent for the day,"

Breathe out

"Is its own trouble."

Daily Devotional: January 27

Day Three, the Gospel According to Matthew, Chapter Three

I love John the Baptist, or John the Forerunner as the Eastern Church refers to him. He is a wild man living in the wilderness eating bugs and honey, swimming in the river everyday, and pointing people to Jesus. I love that his life exists for someone else entirely. We don't see that much in our generation because we are far too preoccupied with ourselves. John had found the secret is to think nothing of yourself and only of your role in the Story of God.

We don't know if John and Jesus had ever hung out before this story. We know from other Gospel accounts that they were first cousins, but that's all that is said. We don't know specifically that John knew Jesus was Christ until this moment, or if he recognized him as such for the first time that day by the river. What we do know is, at least on this day,  John recognized Christ as Christ when he saw Him. 

Do you recognize Christ when you see Him? Are you looking for Him?

In the fifth century a man named Patrick was taking the hope he had found to people in Ireland. His life was lived in service to something other than himself, and he is now venerated as a saint. Now on the anniversary of the day he died, people all over the world drink green beer and celebrate the nation of

Ireland, but Patrick's life wasn't lived in search of being celebrated. A famous prayer has been attributed to him that captures his motivation:

Christ with me,
Christ before me,
Christ behind me,
Christ in me,
Christ beneath me,
Christ above me,
Christ on my right,
Christ on my left,
Christ when I lie down,
Christ when I sit down,
Christ when I arise,
Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks of me,
Christ in every eye that sees me,
Christ in every ear that hears me.

Do you recognize Christ when you see Him? Are you looking for Him?

John the Baptist saw the mercy available to all people and made himself a vessel for that mercy's message. He was able to live a life completely outside of his own desire and pride and in service of the Christ he was hoping to see. More importantly, when John saw Jesus walking on the shore, he recognized Him.

Spend some time in silence. Ask Christ for the ability to see Him today. In every person you meet, in every conversation you have, in your meals, in your commute, may you see Christ. 

Suchness and Is-ness is Serious Business

I'm not a Buddhist, but I like the things many of them say, and I like the way they think. The teachings of Zen and other walks of Buddhism have a ton of treasures for those of us who may not subscribe to the totality. Recently, I have been--how to articulate this--overcome spiritually with new ideas. The thing about these new ideas, is they were a lot like older thoughts I had, but I just didn't know what to call them. The idea of 'Thin Places' from Celtic Christian mysticism, places where heaven and earth are just a little closer than in other places, that's something I'd always known to be true, I just didn't know what it was called. I'm still reading everything I can about 'thin places,' because I think it's going to be a life changing discovery. Another topic I'm working through now is the Buddhist concept of tathatā, or "suchness." The fellas over at wikipedia define it as, "the appreciation of the true nature of reality at any given moment." 

This recognition of the beauty of reality while at the same time understanding moments as fleeting and precious is a beautiful teaching, and one we Westerners need desperately. Life is as short and as long as this breath, we can't take it for granted. Finding the connection to the beauty of a flower or tree with your own suchness is an all-important step towards Truth.

The Truth is that God is in all things, waiting for you to see Him. Maybe He sets the bush on fire to get your attention, but maybe He's in the bush already, waiting for you to notice. Normal, non-burning, bushes are extraordinary in their own right. The more you see God in the external world, the closer you get to seeing Him in the internal world--you. 

Christian thinkers have been on this for a long time. One of my favorite, Meister Eckhart, said: “What is life? God’s being is my life. If my life is God’s being, then God’s existence must be my existence and God’s is-ness is my is-ness, neither less nor more.” 

God's is-ness is my is-ness.

This is what inviting "Jesus to live in your heart" must mean. He's there, but maybe He has been all along and we just fail to notice Him. Grace isn't invasive, but it is powerful. Once you stop resisting Grace, it seems to find its way everywhere, and you start seeing it everywhere. Once you stop waiting for God to do the miraculous, you start realizing He is doing the miraculous.

I'm reading a book called Ruthless Trust by Brennan Manning and it is challenging, encouraging, and rearranging my mind. In it, he writes, "To be aware and alert to the presence of God manifested in a piece of music heard on the car radio, a daffodil, a kiss, an encouraging word from a friend, a thunderstorm, a newborn baby, a sunrise or sunset, a rainbow, or the magnificent lines on the face of an old lobster fisherman requires an inner freedom from self created through prayer. Gratefulness is born of a prayerfulness that helps us notice the magnalia Dei, the marvels of God—the crossing of the Red Sea, the pillar and fire, and so forth." 

One Zen master wrote, "People usually consider walking on water or in thin air a miracle. But I think the real miracle is not to walk either on water or in thin air, but to walk on earth. Every day we are engaged in a miracle which we don't even recognize: a blue sky, white clouds, green leaves, the black, curious eyes of a child--our own two eyes. All is a miracle."

In everywhere we look, in everyone we meet, in every blade of grass, we find God. We appreciate the suchness of life, the reality of Truth as it suffocates us in a big hug. The sights and smells of the world add to the experience of God in everything. The same God who created all things, and is in all things, and holds all things together loves you so much to make flowers pretty. The universe displays God's glory, and You are the fullest expression of God's glory--the glory of The Lord which was revealed in the coming of His Son who exists in the same person and of the same substance as God who loves you enough to make cool breezes on hot days. 

Rethinking Truth

I loved the movie 'Lincoln.' If you haven't seen it, there's no excuse for you to be reading this blog. You have something to do. If you have seen it, you'll remember the scene in which the President recalls a bit of Euclidian mathematics as a proof for human equality.

Abraham Lincoln, in the film, refers to this proof from Euclid: "Two things which are equal to the same thing are equal to each other." I remember hearing this proof in a logic class in college, and even then seeing its uses in my daily life.

Logic is a terrific servant, but can be a terrible master in regards to theology. We have to remember not to constrain a poly-dimensional being, in this case God, to the three or four dimensions in which we operate. God doesn't feel the constraints of the river of time, so any talk of "pre" or "post" in regards to God can become burdensome and rob Him of His mystery and other-ness. In the same way, any argument which doesn't take into account the ways in which God has operated throughout history or the Scriptures is equally flawed. Which is why we must tread lightly and humbly in attempting to understand such a vast and lofty being.

Back to Euclid's proof. What can we use this for in terms of thinking about God? Does this have any theological significance for us, and does it help our understanding of Jesus? I think the implications of this proof are endless, but I'd like to take a look at one statement Jesus makes and go exploring.

"I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." (John 14:6)

Jesus is the way. The way is Jesus. Jesus is truth. Truth is Jesus. Jesus is Life. Life is Jesus. Using transitive relation we get the above set of statements. The second set is the one that I find most interesting. Truth is Jesus and Jesus is Truth, so Jesus and Truth are equal to one another. All that is truth is equal to Jesus. Now, there's no way to "prove" this statement, but to a person who believes Christ's statement in John 14, or the Bible itself, Jesus presents an extremely interesting notion of Truth. This notion is basically a hypothetical syllogism because it is contingent on someone accepting an unprovable premise, namely the reliability of the Bible. If you accept Jesus, you must accept what He says about Himself. If you accept what He says about Himself, you accept that all that anywhere there is truth, there is Jesus--even if that truth exists outside of the realm of traditional Christianity or organized faith.

Please don't skip the rest of the article and burn me at the stake just yet.

This slope isn't as slippery as you might think and it doesn't necessarily lead to any heresies I can think of off the top of my head. Instead, it should allow us as believers in Christ to better relate to those outside of the faith and allow us to see God working even in things we once considered to be opposed to Him. Colossians 1:15-20 should always be our guide when thinking of the risen Christ--the One who is above all things, in all things, and in whom all things hold together.

We have to encourage people to seek the truth in whatever way they choose, knowing and trusting that if they truly seek Truth, they will find Him. This sounds dangerous, but if you accept Jesus at His words, there is nothing more certain than those seeking Truth are on the path to Jesus, even if they remain unaware to that fact. Allow me to frame this more carefully: Jesus is the absolute Truth and those earnestly looking for truth based on deviations from His absolute Truth will--if they stay faithful to finding Truth (Jeremiah 29:13)--find Jesus waiting for them with open arms. This isn't universalism, it's an understanding of life based on both John 14 and Matthew 7:7, "...seek and you will find..."

With open minds and hearts ready to accept rather than reject, we can begin to move through the world in the same way He did, knowing anything else equal to truth is necessarily equal to Him. Christianity doesn't have a monopoly on truths, but has the clearest image of Truth. We have to be careful not to fall into a quagmire of relativism, but also to be more aware of our similarities than our differences with all people. Just because we have found Truth doesn't give us license to judge, condemn, or impair any other person in their search. In fact, we are called to be lights in the world. Lights show people the way to Truth, allowing them to see more clearly that which they seek, allowing them to understand what confounds them, and allowing them to see Christ as the way instead of Christians in the way.